


i am here, always and eternally

by honkyhenke



Category: Druck, Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 18:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19138564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honkyhenke/pseuds/honkyhenke
Summary: Matteo and David have been best friends since grade school. Bonding over their love for music, the two formed a duo and began writing songs together.When they enter university, David’s feelings for Matteo only grow stronger, but Matteo is too busy fighting his own demons to notice.A few years later, David is already a internationally-successful musician and Matteo is left in regret for not being able to realize and say what he truly felt - and now it was too late; he was just an insignificant dot in David’s world.An alternate universe in which Matteo and David take a little longer to navigate their relationship and feelings in fear of losing one another.





	i am here, always and eternally

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first davenzi fic so i hope yall enjoy it. Just a warning: im not kidding when i say it's a slow burn, but there's a lot of fluff in between (I think) and I promise a davenzi endgame. Most of the songs used in this fic are from the show's soundtrack (and the story is inspired by these songs). I'll link the songs in the text. The plot is (very) loosely inspired by Begin Again, Love, Rosie, and Lovesick (Netflix). Please leave a comment bc i feel like i might be shit at this fjdfdpg.. Enjoy!

“Look who showed up today,” triumphantly remarked Laura, her feet propped up the restaurant table, right beside her coffee. She glanced at her watch and made a impressed pouting face. “Exactly on time.” She paused to eye her visitor from head to toe. “Not a fan of the hair, to be honest.”

“Sorry, what?”

Laura scrunched her face. “Too neat.” She cackled mischievously, standing up from her seat and pulling her visitor into a warm hug. As soon as she released him from her arms, she sandwiched his face in between her hands and grinned widely. “Who are you and what have you done to the real Matteo Florenzi?”

“I killed him,” Matteo replied sullenly with a deadpan face. 

“Damn ma, is it that serious?” Laura frowned. “It’s just been-“

“A year,” Matteo interjected. 

They both took a seat across each other, an awkward void of silence filling the space in between. “You know,” Laura began, sounding more serious now. “He misses you.”

Matteo shrugged. “He’s better off without me.”

Laura raised a brow. “And what about you?”

“Just fucked up, as usual.”

 

**6 years ago**

The blaring beats from the speaker pounded against David’s head. He was leaning against the door frame as he massaged his temples, because he felt like he was having a migraine from the strobe lights Hans installed into the dorms specifically for the _university’s year-opener party_. After rubbing his eyes with the sleeves of his over-sized gray jumper, David forced his lids to open, the flashing and hazy lights leaking into his view. His gaze shifted from the beer bottles, either standing or tumbled, atop the kitchen counter on one side of the room to the dormitory’s entrance, blocked by two girls passionately making out. He scanned the sweaty crowd of bodies adorned with bright neon garments and paint for any sign of a slouched figure or wisps of golden sandy hair, but the dark blue hue of the room’s lighting made difficult to spot anything that wasn’t neon.

The only image that popped out amidst the crowd was Sam Fischer aggressively hopping on the makeshift stage (technically a couch), blurting out gibberish into the microphone to the beat of a random James Blake song which David couldn’t remember the name of.

Out of the blue (literally), an arm slung over David’s shoulder. He swiveled his head, instinctively expecting to meet the electric blue eyes so familiar to him.

“Daviiiiid, why are you just standing there? You’re so boooring. Come dance with us!”

Definitely _not_ who he expected. The girl’s face was just inches away from his, and he could feel her breath in between drunk giggles. David gently pushed her body away from his, but he immediately caught her arm onto his shoulder before she could fall.

He inhaled the strong scent of alcohol that the girl breathed out heavily. “Sara, you’re drunk,” David told her, even if it was a bit useless at this point.

“Does he like me?"

David furrowed his brows at her as he led her to one of the few cushioned seats in the room where nobody was having sex or making out aggressively. “Sorry what?”

Sara rolled her doll-like blue eyes. “Do you think Matteo likes me?” Her grin spread over her face from ear to ear.

With one hand, David brushed away the crumbs of food and bottles of liquor on the sofa and carefully laid Sara down on it. “Do you know where he is?” he asked her, changing the topic. He ignored her question purposefully - it puts him in a very uncomfortable position. Of course Matteo had told him that he was interested in Sara.

But it wasn’t in David’s personal interest for that relationship to progress - and, he thought as he racked through his brain for a less selfish motive, it’s not in his place to tell Sara what Matteo feels about her.

Sara tilted her head playfully. “Do _you_ like him?”

Taken aback, David stood frozen and his mouth was left open, unable to form the word “no,” as he typically would when people joked to him about it - he was out after all.

“Sara! Why did you run off from me like that?!”

David turned around to see a girl about their age, whose sharp yet delicate features were painted with a worried expression behind a curtain of silky locks flowing down to her waist. Decorated with thick neon pink strokes, her cheeks flushed red when her hollow gaze met David’s. “I-I’m so sorry you had to deal with her - I should have been there,” she apologized, stuttering her words and avoiding his eyes as she headed over to crouch beside the sofa and check on Sara.

“It’s all good. I don’t really mind,” he shouted over the sudden blast of hardcore EDM that reverberated through the room. David was genuine with his words - he, of all people, knew what it was like to watch over a best friend who was prone to drinking way too much. And he knew the feeling of wanting to be there for them. _Always._

Deep inside, he pushed away the thought of being flooded with relief that he didn’t have to answer Sara’s question. _Do you like him?_

“Don’t do that again!” the girl reprimanded her friend as if she was talking to a toddler.

“Oh god, I was trying to help you because you’re so shyyy,” drawled Sara, attempting to stand up, but eventually failing, falling back onto the cushion.

The girl’s face suddenly turned white, the color fading from her cheeks in apparent horror of what Sara was talking about. “Okay, Sara, you need some water-“

“I asked him if he wanted to dance with us but he rejected! He’s so boriiiing! Why do you even li-“

“We’re going home,” firmly interrupted the girl before her friend could finish the sentence, quickly sneaking a glance at David. He felt warmth in his cheeks when he realized what the encounter meant and laughed. “I’m David,” he introduced himself as he offered to carry Sara on his shoulders before the girl could do so. In shock, the girl’s jaw dropped open, and she was as frozen as David was when Sara asked him if he liked Matteo.

“Leonie,” she softly said, her stare transfixed at David’s. She stretched out her hand to him, as she rose from beside the couch.

Before he could accept her hand, David felt a hard tug on his jumper from behind. “Hey, hey, you’re up next!” Amira snapped her fingers at his face. “Where the fuck is Matteo? Alex’s EDM set is about to be done in 2 minutes.”

“Thank god,” Sara grumbled.

David pressed his lips together to withhold himself from laughing, because he knew Amira would have to smack him in the head if he did.

“I’m serious here, David.” She crossed her arms at him and gave him _That Motherly Don’t Bullshit Me Stare_. “I was the one who recommended you and Matteo to perform for our party and Kiki is going to full-on take out her rage on me if you guys are a mess when you perform.”

David raised his hand as if he was taking an oath. “I swear I didn’t drink much.”

“And Matteo?”

He dropped his hand and frowned. “Ok, I can’t promise you that.”

“Why did you lose him?!” questioned Amira quite angrily. David couldn’t blame her, because they both knew Matteo does worrisome things when he’s isolating himself.

But Matteo always liked to disappear during parties - it was nothing new to David. He takes it as a sign that his friend needs some silence and alone time.

“I don’t know! He just got lost in the crowd!”

“He’s your best friend! You don’t know where he is?!” Amira was visibly panicking. Her almond eyes were widened and her hands were shaking rapidly.

David sighed. “Fine. I think I know where he might be, but I don’t think he wants to be found!”

Amira glared at him. And that was all it took for David to start moving.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, but I’ve got to look for my friend,” David apologized to Leonie who looked very confused at what’s going on. He smoothly handed over Sara to her shoulder and then proceeded to push his way into the sea of waving bodies to get to the other side of the room where doors were lined up. He swung open the first door, but it was an empty bedroom. He tried the next but immediately closed it, because he caught sight of Kiki and Carlos doing... things. The last and third door was locked, and he pointlessly tried to keep turning the knob around, anticipating for to click. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. “Matteo!” he yelled at the door as he knocked on it vigorously. He didn’t even think of how embarrassing it would be if it wasn’t Matteo on the other side of the door.

Somehow, David knew it had to be him.

“Calm down,” David whispered to himself. Sounding angry will not make Matteo come out from hiding, and he should know that best (ironically, _the opposite_ applies to David, and Matteo has consistently proven that shouting is effective in getting him to talk throughout the history of their friendship). “Matteo, it’s _me_ , David,” he called out, trying to sound as gentle as he can while trying to overcome the volume of the head crushing EDM song playing. “I’m just going to stay out here by the door. Amira says we’re up next, but you can take your time.”

No response. David’s heart was beating in faster and harder pulses against his rib - what if something happened to Matteo? What if Amira was right to be angry at him? What if something bad happened but David couldn’t be there for him? He resisted the urge to break through the door with all the strength he had left.

“David,” a low voice - the voice David had been yearning to hear for the past hours - came from the other side of the door.

David finally felt his body relax. “Matteo,” he answered back, the name slipped from his tongue tasting like sweet vanilla.

“A-are you still there?” Matteo’s voice was tired and raspy, probably from smoking too much tonight. David pressed his ear closely to the door and imagined that Matteo did the same, the two of them just a few inches of wood away from their skins touching.

“ _Ich bin hier_ ,” David reassured Matteo. _Always_ , he thought.

The door suddenly swung open and David backed off. The boy he’s known almost his entire life - or what felt like eternity - emerged from the room, and he’s always as David remembered him from the first time they met - sandy hair, soft, pale skin, and sleepy, electric blue eyes. As the years had passed, however, David noticed that everyday, Matteo grew a little sadder: his hair messier, his face paler, his crescent-shaped bags under the eyes darker ad heavier - until this monster of sadness seemed to have taken over his entire being. On rare occasions, Matteo would be elated and confident, but, most of the time, David senses an invisible, destructive burden that his friend carries everywhere. Besides problems with his mother, Matteo would never tell David what it is really about, and David did not want to push him into talking about it. But it had always felt unfair to David, because Matteo stood by him and helped him through his darkest days - why couldn’t he do the same for Matteo? Why couldn’t Matteo reach out to him?

David searched for Matteo’s gaze, but the sullen boy’s eyes were anchored to the floor.

“Hey, it’s okay no-“

Before David could finish his sentence, Matteo collapsed into his arms, the boy’s face tenderly pressed against the soft wool of his jumper, atop his shoulders. David rested his head against Matteo’s soft fluff of dark golden hair and subtly kissed the top of his head. He wished he could stay in this moment forever.

“Do we really have to perform?” Matteo asked, sounding exasperated, as he pulled himself away from the hug, his magnetic blue eyes drawing David into a daze.

David shrugged. “We owe it to Amira.”

“Oh, yeah,” drawled Matteo, running a hand through his messy hair, as if he just realized now why they were here.

David chuckled and reached out for Matteo’s hair, attempting to untangle and flatten it. He savored every moment he had the excuse to have his fingers in between the strands of hair of the boy he secretly loved. When he gave up, he and Matteo shared a laugh and headed over to couch in the center of the room where people were designated to perform, a weak white spotlight shining upon it. Alex wasn’t there, because the DJ equipment was in some other murky corner of the room, but it gave Matteo and David time to set up. Mia handed Matteo his guitar, the reddish wood decorated with scratches and random stickers. David was assisted by Markus in setting up the microphone, while Matteo crashed lazily on the sofa and proceeded to tune his guitar.

“I’m nervous,” Matteo whispered into David’s ear as soon as they were done setting up. They sat side by side on the shabby couch that Sam was just jumping on about an hour ago, and the crowd began to calm down and surrounded them when Alex’s horrible EDM set came to an end. 

“Me too,” David whispered back. However, he felt that there was a different kind of nervousness that surrounded each of them. Matteo’s nervousness was fearful, but David’s was sprinkled with excitement - as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he enjoys the spotlight. In fact, he wanted to be the best performance tonight. A sense of competitiveness always burned inside David, even if this technically wasn’t a contest.

The next thing David knew, Kiki popped out from who knows where, her neatly tied ponytail bobbing up and down as she cheerily spoke into the microphone. Her back faced the two performers and David was impressed at how fast Kiki fixed herself, after what (he was trying to forget) he saw behind a door just six minutes ago.

“Hello! It’s me again!” Kiki pointed at herself and laughed. “Kiki!” she introduced herself like it was a punchline to a joke only she could understand. Nobody laughed, of course. “Hmm.. yeah, ok, where was I? Uh, yes - oop!” A sharp, deafening noise came from the speakers when the microphone fell from her grip. David covered his ears as she scrambled to pick it up. The crowd started booing and David felt sort of bad for Kiki. He could hear Matteo, however, chuckling beside him - that sweet nasal laugh that sounded like weird hiccups sometimes. 

“Um, sorry about that!” apologized Kiki, still laughing.

“I LOVE YOU, BABE!” Carlos cried out from the back of the audience, followed by an eruption of laughters.

“Carlos, don’t call me ba-“ Kiki sighed. Her body propped up and then relaxed as she breathed in and out exaggeratedly like she was doing one of her yoga demo vlogs Matteo and David watch in their free time to make fun of. Once she regained her composure, she spoke into the mic for what seemed like the fiftieth take. So much for her hosting career, David thought.

“Anyways, after that, um... _electrifying_ performance from DJ Hardenberg —“

“Literally felt electrocuted after it,” joked Matteo, leaning close enough into David’s ear that his lips touched his friend’s skin. David felt the air vibrating around him and he couldn’t even properly laugh at what Matteo said. “Yeah. Haha,” he forced out a chuckle.

“Shit, you are nervous,” Matteo remarked. “It’s okay, man. First live performances are always shit.”

David just nodded. He even forgot it was supposed to be their first live performance in front of a proper crowd. This was not just Amira’s birthday party back in high school, attended by a grand total of six people (her parents, her brother, her brother’s friend), already including the two of them. Sure, they did covers on YouTube, and they became somewhat popular in university for it, but performing live was a much tougher challenge. Especially when you’re going to test out an original song. But most of all, this performance was for Amira, who is trying to gain more connections in the university by helping arrange parties. She’s been their friend since high school, and the two boys owed her a lot for getting them out of dumb situations. 

“I am very honored tonight to present to you a YouTube sensation from our very own university -“ a chorus of drunken cheers “- a very talented duo, consisting of Matteo Florenzi and David Schreibner, the Berlin-based indie-pop cover band, Sandwishes!” 

“Thank you, thank you!” David spoke into the mic, motioning the crowd to settle down from the claps, whistles, and shouts. “I’m David, and he’s Matteo. We usually do covers, but, today, we’d like to share something special to this community that means a lot to us - we’re doing an original song.” David waited for the cheers to die down before speaking again. “It’s kind of slow, so I suggest you partner up with someone. It doesn’t have to be a romantically special someone. It can be anyone very important in your life - a friend,  a sibling, a stranger you’ve never got to thank, or someone you never got to tell your true feelings to,” David went on, and he snuck a quick glance at Matteo before immediately shying his eyes away. “I wrote this song for a special someone I’ll always hold dear,” he expressed with a hint of bitterness in his voice. He signaled Matteo to start plucking the strings of his guitar. As soon as the instrumental intro was done, David [began to sing](https://open.spotify.com/track/7so4OAK5GklY3YoTcBxQFN) in his cool, calming voice. 

_I saw the part of you_

_That only when you're older you will see too_

_You will see too_

The chaotic ambiance instantly died out in the venue. It was replaced with an overwhelming sense of tranquility as pairs formed in the audience, sweeping around the room in slow waltzes and some little heads pressed against each other tenderly. David wishes he were in their position, with Matteo’s forehead touching his in a cheesy drunken  slow dance. He immediately pushed the thought away.

_It's like you told me_

_Go forward slowly_

_It's not a race to the end_

No matter how hard he tried, images of Matteo kept flooding back in his mind like a montage uncontrollably playing in his head. It was painful, but David knew he could use it to his advantage - to connect with the audience more - to make the song more stripped down and humanized. He felt the tears form in his eyes as he sang, but he fought to hold them back - he didn’t want to get too emotional either.

_Well you look like yourself_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only it ain't on the surface_

_Well you talk like yourself_

_No, I hear someone else though_

_Now you’re making me nervous_

He told Matteo that the lyrics was dedicated to his younger self - it was a good cover story. But that was a lie. It was about Matteo and the malignant sadness that was eating him up - and David was frustrated he couldn’t do anything about it.

 

**Present**  

Matteo still hasn’t touched the shakshouka that Laura ordered for him. “I’m not hungry,” he reasoned out.

“Too soon?” asked Laura mockingly. 

Matteo glared at her.

Laura sighed. “Ever thought of telling him? It’s not over, you know.” The sunlight passing through the glass-paneled walls of the store front shone on her dark curly locks, revealing streaks of golden brown, just like the way it does on David’s hair. Every detail of resemblance Laura had with David pained Matteo’s insides, squeezing every organ he had - maybe that’s why he was so grumpy. What more when he would meet David?

Matteo shook his head. “Whatever happened between us... it was all... in the wrong place and in the wrong time for each of us...”

“You sound like you believe in fate.”

“I do,” he admitted, flinching a bit. “He always talked about it, you know. I don’t think fate allowed our love for each other to... exist at the same time.”

Laura opened her mouth to say something, but she didn’t continue it. 

“Not in this universe, at least.”

“God, you’re such a drama queen,” Laura rolled her eyes and sipped on her cup of coffee, but Matteo noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes - he knows because that’s what David’s eyes look like too when he’s sad.

“Shouldn’t you be happy for him?” Matteo asked out of curiosity.

Laura exhaled heavily, disappointment now pasted all over her face. “I don’t know, kid. I guess _I was rooting for you_.”

Suddenly, Matteo felt a heavy hand on his head, messing up his combed fringe. “Hey! Stop that!”

“ _Luigi_ , you little piece of shit, I was waiting for you by the gas station!” Jonas exclaimed at his face, taking the seat next to him.

Matteo buried his face in his palms. “Shit, I forgot we were supposed to meet there first.”

“No biggie, bud.” Jonas patted his back. “The rest of the gang is already at the party. You ready?”

_Never_ , he thought. 

_x_

Walking into the bar, Matteo was instantly greeted by old, familiar faces from university. Mia Winter and Alexander Hardenberg, with freshly tanned skins from their expensive vacation at some secret exclusive island in the Caribbean, waved at him from their barstools, probably something very expensive in their wine glasses. Kiki Machwitz - now Schmidt - was showing off her baby to Sam M’Pele, who tickled the child with her fingers. Matteo almost forgot he was the godfather of that child. Carlos, the father of that said baby, wrapped Matteo in a big bear hug and proceeded to gush about how cute his daughter is. Before Matteo could be freed from that bear hug, Abdi joined in and, so, by effect, Jonas had to join in as well. Basically, they looked like dumbasses in the bar, forming a burrito in the middle of a crowd.

“You idiots, we just saw each other last week,” Matteo grumbled, but deep inside, he was filled with joy to receive this much love from his friends. 

“We know,” said Abdi, kissing Matteo on the forehead.

With the whole gang with him, Matteo exchanged small talk with Hanna Jung - boring, adult stuff. However, it made him happy to see Hanna, who used to be so unsure of her future, talk about her cosmetics start-up so passionately. She seems to be better at all this adult stuff than any of them. Hanna also asked him about his business, but he dodged it by saying that Laura does most of the “money stuff he doesn’t understand.”

No matter how hard Matteo tried to avoid meeting her gaze, Amira instantly approached him. She was still beautiful and glowing, her flower-patterned hijab in a pastel pink hue. He was relieved she didn’t bring up anything other than a few obligatory _I miss yous_ and _how are yous_. However, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed by all of this.

“ _Hey._ ”

Matteo could recognize that voice anywhere. He turned around to face his fears and tried to stay calm, despite the burning sensation in his stomach and cheeks. “Hey. What’s up?”

“It’s been... tiring, but great.” David looked better than ever. Matteo couldn’t tell if it was the leather jacket David wore, but his friend looked more mature, more confident, and even more intimidating. Nevertheless, Matteo still saw the funny, cool, and sometimes overly competitive boy he fell in love with. Matteo missed everything about him: his rosy cheeks accentuated by his soft, olive skin, his thick dark hair and all the curly baby hairs that come with it, and his brown eyes that sparkled whenever he smiled - _fuck_ , he thought, that was the best. “How about you?” David asked back - even though Matteo knew his old friend probably couldn’t care less. He was just an insignificant dot in the bigger world David had just conquered.

Matteo shrugged. “You know, I’m still... me,” he mumbled in a lower volume for every word he spoke. 

“That’s-“

“David!” interrupted a voice from the far corner of the room.

“Oh, sorry, I’ve got to go,” apologized David, avoiding Matteo’s gaze, and walked away. Maybe Matteo imagined it, but, for a moment, he swore he saw David pause in his steps and look back. 

You always have to go, thought Matteo.

The dinging sound of a wineglass being hit by a fork came from the a bar seat in the corner David rushed off to. A flock of visitors began gathering around it. Matteo knew what it was, and he wouldn’t have gone to see it if he wasn’t so dumbstruck that he allowed himself to get pushed by the sea of people to see David and Leonie with their arms on each other’s shoulders, looking like a happy, well-functioning couple. 

“Hello, everyone!” greeted Leonie cheerily. “David and I just wanted to thank you all for coming to our engagement party.”

Those words tore through Matteo’s heart so harshly, he felt like he was going to pass out. How did they come to reach this point? Why did he allow it to come to this? Before David could share his own sentiments, Matteo put on his earphones and turned up the music's volume.

He looked _so beautiful_ , Matteo thought. And so happy. Matteo loved David so much that he would do anything keep the pure, innocent, and infectious smile on his friend’s face. 

And he knew he would only _ruin_ that.

The words of the song they first wrote together came rushing back like a wave that washed over him.

_Well you look like yourself_

_But you're somebody else_

_Only it ain't on the surface_

_Well you talk like yourself_

_No, I hear someone else though_

_Now you’re making me nervous_

 


End file.
